At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
