I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
