I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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