Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
