Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
