I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
