well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
