I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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