woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
