just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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