this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
