you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
