90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
