i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
