It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
