You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
is it fun? or sober?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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