You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
