Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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