dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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