She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
