"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
