I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So vagazzling was a success
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
