Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
