Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
