im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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