Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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