hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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