i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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