Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
How's work?
Spinning.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
