Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
