enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
