it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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