He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
