then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
