Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
operation harelip BJ is a go
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
