i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
