I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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