I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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