I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
