i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
