Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
