You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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