what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
