My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
