I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
