Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
