his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
