Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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