once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We have so much sex to catch up on
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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