I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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