We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
