i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
