apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
A bitchslap is in order.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
