Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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